Would I Change it?

First off, I'm going to get around to replying back to all the awesome comments from my last two posts. Y'all are such blessings to leave me encouraging words every time after I click the publish button. <3 And second, my last post might have sounded like I started a relationship, and I realize that now after looking over it. *face palm*. Though that would be lovely to post about and hopefully at some point it will happen, right now I am single, yes I am. I got inspired to write about love at first sight with something that happened, and I just had to express my feelings on it someway, somehow. And sadly y'all had to hear the brunt of it. ;)

I started back volunteering at the stables yesterday and it was bittersweet. I can't exactly explain why, but it was. I was happy to be back, but something had changed and I'm not sure if it was the stable or myself. 

I have moments like that often. 

When I was thirteen I believed I was in love with a boy I went to church with. It seemed perfect, it seemed like somehow it was all going to work out. I was immature and took things too literally-- too seriously. Now I look back to those dreams and cringe at how blind was. I didn't see very well. I looked over things that should have been noticed. But would I take back all those happy plans and hopes from my naivety? I couldn't.

Taking advice is one thing, but sometimes you have to figure out life by living it.

I think about the song, Letter to Me by Brad Paisley. He sings about all the things he could write a letter to himself at seventeen about, advice to save himself from pain. And I love the song, but if I were being honest with myself some of the things that caused me to hurt were necessary. Every embarrassing moment (believe me, I've had thousands) has taught me something. The moments that I've been backed into a corner has made me reconsider my instinct to shy away from confrontation, and the seconds of letting words become trapped inside, without saying them, that's some of the hardest times I've gone through. And now I find it harder to keep them to myself, even if it takes every ounce of strength to let them go. If it wasn't for all those painful, stings, burns and scorches I wouldn't be growing. I would be lukewarm. I would just be stagnant. And so I'm thankful to God for each and every tear, because they have all been worth it, and so, so much more.