Remnants of Childhood

It’s been a long, long time since I wrote anything on here. And to be honest, I don’t expect anyone to still read this tiny corner of the internet.

The reason I felt the need to come back is something of an unexpected reason. Yesterday I found out the singer Aaron Carter passed away suddenly. I don’t believe I ever wrote of it on this blog, but he was a surprisingly significant part of my childhood. When I was around eleven years old I first discovered his albums and instantly became a devoted fan. Growing up without many friends and a lot of anxiety and depression (that I didn’t know how to cope with in any way), I found his music a sort of outlet for all of my scary preteen emotions. As ridiculous as it may sound, I would spend countless hours picturing myself as the person he was singing to. It helped me escape from the reality that as a child, was just too difficult to face. So, I played my disc man with “Oh Aaron” and listened to “I’m All About You” in a loop until life felt a little bit safer to face. 

I’m having a difficult time putting into words what the recent news is making me feel. Obviously any death is depressing and a young death is even more so. But with celebrities, we don’t know them personally so for better or worse a lot of time we have a difficult time mourning the loss of them for reasons that go a bit deeper. I didn’t ever speak to him or know him as anything other than what my eleven year old self perceived to be true. But for whatever reason I feel a deep sadness. And a lot of it I believe has to do with the fact that his music was a more prominent part of my youth than I even realized. Those time of escaping through his music cannot be divorced from the entire picture of my childhood. And for this reason perhaps is why it is the most painful. 

I can’t imagine how his family must be feeling at this time and I do hope they are given some semblance of peace throughout this. But on a much smaller scale, my heart also goes out to all of the girls and boys, who maybe like myself, associate him with a part of their childhood. It feels as though a part of our childhood has died as well. I wish celebrities, like him, could know just how important sometimes that their songs (or movies) meant to some of us. How very much they meant to us.